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Dear Wilder

Dear Wilder: Collection | August 20th, 2020

Put a tent here, put a tent there?

Dear WilderI’m setting up camp right now with my wife. We’re at Jenny Lake – Grand Teton National Park. I’m having a hard time trying to decide where to pitch our tent. I have spotted two possible locations. The first location has a great view of the lake, but it’s under a big tree. I am concerned about falling branches. The second location does not have a good of a view and it’s closer to my wife’s friend’s campsite who came with her husband and three kids. I would much prefer the view of the lake. Also, I feel like I need to mention it’s my wife’s best friend since childhood. We are newlyweds of a little over a year and this is our first camping trip together. What camping spot should I pick?” SAM FROM MAINE CAMPING

Dear Camper Sam: There’s an old saying, “When presented with two choices pick the third.” Pitch your tent as far away from the tree and the family with kids. It’s the safest choice for your marriage.

Where, O Where is that bear?

Dear Wilder “I’m in the woods. I’ve been camping for five days. The past two nights I’ve had a visitor. I’m not completely sure, but I think it’s a bear. I see some big tracks, but by the time I get up the rain has washed them away making them unidentifiable. I know there are bears, wolves, and mountain lions living in the area. I’m by myself, but I’m playing on a reality show to see who can stay by themselves the longest. Besides this phone, I snuck onto the show (it’s what I’m using to write to you) I have a satellite phone to call for help, but I don’t want to give up. I would like to win the contest. It would mean a lot for myself and my family to win the big prize. Can you please let me know how to find out what’s visiting me at night, and if it’s a bear, should a call for help? ALONE IN THE WOODS, DARIN

Dear Alone: You are not alone. Leave now!

Shredding Mountains, not Cheese!

Dear Wilder: “I’m an avid mountain biker. To me, there is nothing more exhilarating than shredding through nearby mountain trails at warp speed on my bike. Everything is a blur of color as you race along. I mostly go by myself, but sometimes with a group of friends. We have biked a lot of trails – so much so that we flowed. Then one day it happened…I committed – laid off the brakes and went for it. I was dreaming, it was magic, then out of nowhere, I crashed…hard…like no other crash anyone I know has experienced. Not wanting to go into details and make this too long, can you tell me how to “Get back on the horse?” SHREDDED BY MOUNTAIN

Dear Shredded: Wash off your scratches, put some band-aids on, and get someone to kiss everything to make it better? Sooner than later is best.

‘Wilder Burroughs
PLEASE NOTE: WILLIAM WILDERLING BURROUGHS â€˜WILDER’ IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO PERSONS LIVING OR DEAD IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. THE STORIES ARE MADE UP. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM WILDER. SEEK PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE FOR ANY ISSUES YOU MAY HAVE WHILE CAMPING, HIKING, OR ANY OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES.

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