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Dear Wilder

I’m all Camped Out

Wilder Burroughs helps a stressed-out mom save her family camping vacation

Avatar of Wilder - by Morgan Phillips Illustration Design
‘Wilder Burroughs’

Dear Wilder: We just arrived. It was the longest ride from Throggs Neck, NY to our usual family get-a-way in Saratoga Springs, NY. For many years we’ve traveled to the same place for our family camping vacation. The trip has barely begun, and I feel all camped out. This year it seems like too many years at the same place. And to make it worse, the kids were horrific during the trip. I’m pretty sure I have lost half of my hair from the stress of it. I’m sure you can imagine – Minivan with five kids, two adults, one dog, one rabbit, and a pet hermit crab that could not be left at home says my youngest.

On-the-road my husband just kept quiet stared forward and drove as fast as he could. (We were almost run off the road several times by semi-trucks and random jumping deer, but my husband is a skilled driver) Somehow he was able to ignore all of the brats the entire trip.

What did that mean for me? It meant taking hours of crazy kids and pets management. Who knew hermit crabs have to take frequent restroom breaks as often as a three-year-old. As you can probably understand, I am toast. I know what the next week of camping will be like and I just don’t know if I can take it. Please help I’m all CAMPED OUT

Can Wilder help this stressed camped out mom?

Dear CAMPED OUT: You’re in luck. Not all is lost. First, I recommend you stop unpacking the gear, the kids, and pets and throw them back into the minivan. Next, bump your deadbeat husband to the passenger seat, because you are about to take control of this trip.

Where are you going, I know you’re asking? Do you want a place of tranquility? Are you looking to simply relax and forget about it all while your family is out all day on adventures? I’m sure it’s yes to it all. I found you a groovy little place very close by where you can just chill like a queen while the kids tear each other apart, collecting poison ivy in the nearby forest.

I’m sending you to an Authentic Mongolian Yurt. It’s just a couple of miles away. It’s where you can have your own private healing sanctuary to get some deep relaxation while the rest of the family pitch their tents right next door. Your healing retreat awaits. You will be alright. I’ve already made your reservations.

Photo Credit WIKI – Mark Fischer
FROM
TO HERE (with five kids in a minivan)
PLEASE NOTE: WILLIAM WILDERLING BURROUGH – ‘WILDER,’ IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO PERSONS LIVING OR DEAD IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. THE STORIES ARE MADE UP. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM WILLY BUCK. AS NEEDED, PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE FOR ANY ISSUES YOU MAY HAVE WHILE CAMPING, HIKING, OR ANY INDOOR OR OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES.

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